the-quotebook
The Quotebook
Caleb being tired while playing cards quotes:
oh, how the turns have tabled; oh how the bedside stand do the… spin around… oh how the circle do the… crack… cocaine..? and the electric eel eats the cat and the funko pop… zingo…”
I frickin’ loved covid for, like, the first two weeks
- Sage
after offering to and then pretending to urinate in my water bottle after john offers to take it and fill it up only to bring it back mostly empty and says “I definitely filled it up all the way and did not pee in it,”:
As my dad once said, “avert your eyes or take it all in.” Actually I think that was my grandpa, not my dad
later:
…It’s because I paid the guys at the IQ test. it’s why I have a 2000 IQ.
- Bradyb
when did we get to “type of lotion???”
- me asking about her template string code thing python learning moment
I dunno, so we can like, take it and shove it up someone’s ass??
- athaliah
- Bradyb Bangasser
sometimes I forget that you’re a romanticist and not gay
- athaliah
…which lands with all the political impact of taking one sock off and hurling it at a government building on a windy day
- john (supereyepatchwolf I think, i forgor wher (the simpsons is good again video))
you black folks were slaves because you were better at working
- athaliah :3
you need help. you need Jesus. and I’m jewish
- neshama
referring to Brady Bangasser:
brady uhhhh ball licker??? idk
- bek
camy’s hair clip falling in class:
The hair clip aint clipping, I got scared
- Anessa
So how long did our baby last?
- Anessa
She lasted 2mins and 50sec
- me (athaliah I think)YES ME WHO ELSE??
Anessa *sheds fake tear* “perfect”
why are carrots natural candles except for the fact that their wick is carrot and their wax is carrot instead of being wick and wax?
- john lofton
“Athaliah where are you?” - Teacher looking around for me
“She’s not here” - Sarena
“Really? Then why is she right in front of me” - Teacher
“Yes I am shut up” - me
“Its because you’re schizo” - Sarena to teacher.
This teacher is also out favorite teacher too
john while wearing the maid costume:
I’ve realized why people work to look pretty. this. I’m just basking in it, as I exploit the system. I may not look pretty, but I’m getting a pension.
they do be callin’ me jesus, ‘cuz I be rizzin’ [risen]
hayley to noah (they’re a couple):
you(‘d) look cute without hands
I really want to tie you up
I’m going to make you beg to be on top
noah, would you let someone cosplay as donald trump and poop in your nose?
- brady officer
never look up gerbiling
- graham
you may be wearing the pants, but I got the brain. together we make this abomination:
- athaliah
I don’t think enough people died in the civil war
- athaliah
Hat flavored dog
- Isaiah
you can’t hear a pterodactyl urinate because of its silent p
- michael stevens
maybe I should just get a taser, it seems like you’re into that
- athaliah after witnessing me lick a 9V
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU QUOTED ME ON THAT?!?!?!
What do you mean? I’m so nice. IM GONNA KILL YOU
- Jordan
Jordan: “Ugh, why does my hand look so dirty?” Athaliah: “That’s just your skin dude”
You know i really hate you, i’ll tell the police right where you’re supposed to be
- Jordan to me (athaliah)
5 seconds later:
Pookie bear, im gonna kill you~
Kinda looks like your mom, but asian, like filipino specifically
- Isaiah
I’M STEALING YOUR FATHER’S MILK SO HE NEVER COMES BACK AGAIN
- athaliah to eli
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
you actually can’t get an std after the age of 21
- tommy sarcastically pretending to be omniscient while talking about getting physicals
ok so I have fortune | cowsay in my .bashrc and this was just a good quote that made me smile a bit:
_________________________________________
/ Take Care of the Molehills, and the \
| Mountains Will Take Care of Themselves. |
| |
\ -- Motto of the Federal Civil Service /
-----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||
(:
always use hopeful language
- john lofton
(whenever I say “not yet” to anything this is where that comes from)
I don’t care if your kid got shot, I wanna watch my show!
- athaliah, referring to a youtube ad
(I swear I heard “you shot your kid” but oh well)
bully the fat people, maybe they can cry away their fat while they’re at it
- athaliah
why can’t someone give me a mental illness so I can, like, get ideas through my altered sense of the world?
- the other john
while playing dutch blitz and as if it was an incredibly menacing threat (e.g. “you’re about to witness my secret weapon,” etc):
you’re about to learn why I rode the short bus
- seth
deer! get outta here! I’ll sic my cats on ya!
(later, to the cats)
there’s deer you can eat! go eat the deer! they’d be scared of ya!
- my father
after me insisting that she be optimistic about finals,
I WILL NOT BE OPPRESSED BY YOUR POSITIVITY
- athaliah
when you’re kissing your wife, it’s just a butthole at both ends
- my father
Isaiah: “Isn’t that what Liberia is?” Athaliah: “Enslaved Africans??” Isiaiah: “Yeah :D”
It’s literally me core!
- Sarena
Look Athaliah I’m going to harvest you like that!
- sarena
*points to image above*
Everything is graded. Your entire life is graded, Chuck Kelley, and right now you’re at a C+
- Mr. Oberg 🤯
Me (athaliah) to my dad after being forced to drink Nyquil:
Athaliah: “STOP DRUGGING MEEEEE!!!!!!!!” My dad: “It’s the only way to make you compliant”
calvin: what’s black and smells like red paint? john: uhh, black paint? calvin: no. morphene. john: I think someone’s been giving you black paint, calvin
some people raging over the news at the next table over from us:
ok so barbie won best soundtrack, and oppenheimer won best score…
me: “what’s the difference?” george: “between barbie and oppenheimer?” me: “no, between soundtrack and score” george, not joking: “ok so ‘soundtrack’ starts with an ‘s,’ and ‘score’ starts with uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Apush class, talking about the annexation of Hawaii and some important man
Yeah so this man was the new best beard man (forgot his name) and you can see (forgot his name) was rocking the double beard, this was hard to achieve but that’s what happens when you’re double stroking while thinking.
- Mr. Walseth
*class giggling*
Kinda like stroking a cow for milk
- Mr. Walseth
*The laughter gets a little louder*
Me and a couple of other friends did not seem to think so lol
I kind of have a sugar momma
- THE scott oberg
if there were two chairs and one had s cake on it and the other had a dildo on it, and you had to sit on one and eat the other, what would you do? […] also the dildo’s a 9-incher
- ruijie (jerry) - me fr 🌚
💀⁉️
hey hey hey hey hey, crazy- crazy thought shower, but I think it’s funny w- how aerodynamic babies are, because when you throw them, they- they spin around like a frisbee, and they go like, like a little s-, like, when you throw a star… I dunno, a ninja star? that’s kinda how they fly, when you throw them, the babies, I just thought that was funny. HEHEHEHA
- the bean (WHY THE BEAN!?!?!?!?!???!?!)
while drawing joel,
if I ever get married, just know that I drugged her
- Sir Gabriel Hunter Zguris O’Neil I
if this lunch isn’t good, I’m picking a lunch lady and eating her up
there were no sexual implications, this was purely cannibalistic :3
- Sir Gabriel Hunter Zguris O’Neil I
where are the cuban cimars??? [sic: cigars]
yeah I’m off my meds today I think crack would actually help me
- george
throating the breadstick:
you can send me to horny jail but I’ll just get more horny
this is AWESOME SAUCE
- george, off his meds
do you guys need solder?
no, I taped it
- some people at the physics fair
DUDE FAMILIES ARE LIKE MINI ARMYS WE COUKD MAKE SOLDIERS AND CONQUER OTHER FAMILIES
- athaliah
I love eclairs
- athaliah
where’s the gay part? I need the gay part!! [etc]
- sarena
(i forgor the context. I was tired. I’m sure this was funny at 2:30 in the morning)
you’re missing chromosomes that’s why you’re short
- athaliah to sarena
I’m short because I’m precum; I’m not actual cum
- sarena
my claclator is a bit sped
- sarena
carrington, how are your fem&m’s ?
- colin, referring to the pastel colored M&M’s idk
delectable, I can feel myself growing breasts already
- will
Hey man Im yours in the marriage Just not my food
- athaliah
if you can’t make it black, it can’t be good
- thomas jacobsen context: achava bible study, playing smash bros (the nintendo game of couser), seth makes a rule that we can only choose black characters (or characters that “have a black skin”)
To be fair, I make bad clothes look good and good clothes look better
- THE scott oberg
heyyy, how’s that strobe light goin’, my friend?
- some guy I overheard on the bus comms
on and off, on and off…
- some gal I overheard on the bus comms
there’s so much snow on me I can feel myself gaining privilege
- Sagar (via bek)
You can see the ambulance and the police on the right.
They have a strong ego,
They are too loud I think.
- Tour guide in Vienna (via bek)
I never knew how to hunt, I mean I grew up in Chicago, so if you were hunting, it was probably for the wrong reasons
- marine recruiter
this game is more annoying than Rosa Parks
- jacob noodle sandwich, on geometry dash
I support bullying Edina children
- THE scott oberg
Having to count beans for a lab:
Athaliah:
you know cus im a beaner?
rachel:
whats that? I though that was a person who smoked weed and wore a dobby hat.
Found this old quote from who knows when:
i’m so white that all sunlight reflects off of me and blinds everyone who looks at me
- Isaiah
your hair smells like dog silk
- the bean
you guys are like jesse and walter in the computer science field
- athaliah, on brady and I giving the robot AIDS
what if we bring your mom and makeout aggressively
- White tamele
these words have never come out of my mouth before, but I’m more focused on the crotchless part
- Mr. Bennett, on someone’s short story
Real Gs move in silence. Like lasagna.
[…]
You’ve never heard that? Really?
It’s a motto I live by.
- Chad Schlosser
I move like a one-man band; I feel like every time I take a step an accordion plays.
- Julia
Have you ever had to pee so bad that when you relieve yourself, your kidneys hurt? one of the best feelings ever
- Hairrell
Hey man how’s your day going? […] Oh, you’re one of them silent pissers? […] Yeah, I used to be too…
- some guy in the urinal next to me
But I am very poorly today & very stupid & I hate everybody and everything. One lives only to make blunders.
- Chucky D (charles darwin)
MEGAMIND IS JUMPING OVER MY LOG
- Isaac
its a local orgy
- white tamele (in what context did I say this) idk
Girls are always pulling something out of their ass
- Athaliah
yeah dicks
- white tamale
caveman-esque:
Two penis does not make sex
- Top Bunk Jason
When in doubt, use hair as dental floss
- Aera
I had a whiskey sour. I didn’t like it.
- my Nana, written on a coconut she mailed to my dad from her vacation in Hawaiʻi
where are the Hooters? I WANT ALL THE HOOTERS
- bek, trying to find hooters delivery
I’m gonna butter my finger and then finger your butt
- anna, after buying a butterfinger
hes a runner hes a track star, he runs away when he gets hard
- cora, at worship night seeing Isaiah stretch
I’m making friends with a bunch of freshmen - bean
yeah cus you’re not weird, you’re normal - charlie
Really??? THANK YOU! - bean
Yes you are a very normal person who can be trusted with people younger than you - charlie
- Charlie and Athaliah talking about making friends at MVHS
AAAAAAH MY KNEES!!! IM BEING MOLESTED BY A SMALL MIDGET
- Heidi after sarena was rubbing her knees during the fire drill
[imitating a cat] mew
- my mother, after being told that she had to mew (her jawline) (this was in context trust me)
Lets go ass for ass, pull your pants down! Go inch per inch Whats the volume of your ass cheek?
- Alex
Whats the girth?
- sam
Come on pull your pants down I wanna see some action!
- Alex
Sam and Alex during AP world talking about who as more cake
you know if this was 18th century China you’d all be cockroaches
- Tengis in APWH class
Even demons can look normal
- my dad
Maybe you should be in the slave trade
- heidi
Talking about beauty pagents
Have you ever been touched by your boyfriend?
No
You’re missing out (: WAIT NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT–
too late you’re in the quotebook (:
- my sisters
do your balls need to get sprayed? … is it sprayed or spayed?
it’s sprayed
DO YOUR BALLS NEED TO GET SPAYED??
sarena vs athaliah
I’d support Technoblade over George Floyd who died of drug dealer
- jellybean
Moses was very humble, more humble than any other person on earth!
- Moses (Numbers 12:3)
If I had one of those perfect belly buttons I’d never wear clothes
- Red head Erica from school
This Sunday would be a great day to drug [sic] someone to church!
- Pastor Nathaniel Paul Ruch
I’ve always had a thing for bigger women ;)
- athaliah on a date
cellos you got be more forceful, stronger(mrs.Arnold)….
….girthier - Abby
YES EARTHIER -Mrs arnold
no girthier as in GIRTH -abby
OOOOH GIRTHIER, even better - Mrs Arnold
- mrs arnold and abby going back and forth about the miscommunication during orchestra
keep jorking my cake
- me on a date
bek: what are you doing?
me: its called holding your breath but with extra steps and tickly lips
- me breathing in and out of a balloon
i need more clothes with pants
- anna crandall (via bek)
it’s easier to do it on the floor than the table. I’ve done it a bunch on the floor
- cooper
at summer camp, during rec:
I support calvin!!
- athaliah
I only support WHITE MEN 👹
- anna
You know what’s a good sandwich? Turkey Bacon Avocado. *gorilla noises/sex grunts* I’d fuck that sandwich
- Matt from Subway
Can you do me a favor as big as my poop?
- anna
I’m all frowny face because you haven’t turned it your assignments. but it’ll only take a day or two, and then I’ll be all smiley face!
- Professor™ Grggg
they didn’t know what the bone was because dinosaurs hadn’t been invented yet ☝️🤓
- prof gregg
sooo can I go home now?
- bek
I don’t care where you go but you should probably go to the gym
- gregg